


Redamantia

by shirewalker



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Post-Canon, Smut, actually canon end compliant, anti mal, as in. I actually had to write mal, but lots of nikolina fluff tho!!!, ewwwww, mal's drunken fighting cheating ass comes back, woop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-23 00:52:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8307538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shirewalker/pseuds/shirewalker
Summary: Post Ruin and Rising. Set around two years after.
Alina and Mal are living the life. The ordinary life.But Alina isn't very excited with her old dream.Her heart yearns for a power long gone.And for a hazel eyed too-clever fox.





	

**Author's Note:**

> yes. this is my third nikolina r+r au xD  
> fear not! all of them lead to 300 Years Of Waiting. That's like, my rock solid canon for alarkling post canon xD
> 
> Btw, Alina totes knows how to catch a king ;D
> 
> Mal's an ass.

 

 

An ordinary life, with ordinary things.

An ordinary girl. In an ordinary orphanage. Married to an ordinary boy.

Ordinary.

It was good. Wasn’t it? That was what she’d wanted since that first day in the Fold.

Wasn’t it?

 

* * *

 

Alina walked through the garden, her eyes taking in the most random arrangements the kids could come up with. There were daisies here, daffodils there, roses mixed with violets and one or two random cactuses. Genya had suggested Alina to try gardening, but the ex-summoner had no green-thumb and soon her plants started to die. Ironic, huh? Three or four kids decided to take over her little green patch, planting there every seed they could find. Soon, the rest of the orphans joined in. It was a mess, but a colourful mess, when the plants bloomed.

A little over two years had passed since their return to Keramzin. Things were back to… normal. Well, not quite, but nothing would ever go back to the way it was before.

Still, they tried. Alina painted and kept the orphanage going. Mal worked in the nearby village. It was nice, it was a good life. All she had ever wanted. To live in a meadow with the boy she loved.

“Alina!!” a voice called from inside. She turned to the garden doors and soon enough Nikolai was bursting through them, donning a new traveling suit and a pair of extremely shiny boots. His smile was so wide it was a wonder it hadn’t cracked his face in two. She smiled back, albeit a little less profusely.

“Nikolai.”

“How is my favourite…” he looked around, exaggerating the moves, and when he saw the surrounding area was deserted, he continued in a secretive whisper, “Sun Summoner doing?”

Alina rolled her eyes, trying to ignore the pain those words still brought up, “I’m not… that, anymore. Remember?”

His smile turned sad as he walked down the stairs, “I know… You can still bright light whenever you smile. So, how are you doing? It’s been a month! Tell me news!” he asked, diverting the mood away from… wounds that refused to heal.

“Fine. And you?”

“Fine too. So, I heard you had gotten better at tea-making.” He flashed a mischievous smile.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Is that why you’re here? To try my tea?” she asked with a mischievous smile of her own.

Nikolai stooped down in an exaggerated bow, “You know I always come here to simply see you, my dear Alina, but the tea is as good an excuse as any other.”

She laughed then, in that way that only Nikolai seemed to be able to make her laugh. A laughter that always came from her core, that always pushed away any dark thoughts that she might be having at the moment. “Very well. Let’s go inside. I want to see how long you can pretend not to gag on it.”

 

* * *

 

Losing her powers had been… Like losing herself.

Alina pretended it wasn’t that much of a deal, but every day she would wake up to watch the sun rise and she would hope… no, she would wish she could still call that light to her. But no matter how hard she wished, no matter how hard she called, it never came.

One night Mal asked her what was wrong, after what was the worse lovemaking they’d had. “Nothing… I just… miss it…” she’d confessed.

Mal kissed her, a hand caressing her hair, “I know… But don’t worry. You’ll… get used to it. Soon it’ll be like a long forgotten dream.”

She nodded. He smiled, “There. See?”

His words had hit a chord within her, but not quite the exact one he had expected.

 

* * *

 

The snow covered the whole land. A thick layer of shining white blanket surrounded the orphanage and the kids played and ran and screamed, most of them giving use to new toys the king had brought.

Her friends had come along with Nikolai as well, and they were all throwing snowballs at each other. Well, not all of them. Zoya, of course, would never stoop so low.

“Nazyalensky, come down from there and play!” Harshaw screamed for her but she paid no attention to him. “Come or you’ll have no presents tonight!” he threatened and a dark blush quickly coloured her cheeks. Soon the Squaler was building a snowman with him. She would agree to play in the snow, but she’d never run around throwing snowballs.

After a while the group dwindled and soon it was just Alina and Nikolai throwing snowballs at each other, their companions now too tired to keep running around. Genya and David had gone inside to make some tea and Zoya and Harshaw kept arguing about the snowman’s structure.

Alina was currently hiding in the trees, her eyes trying to find the king so she could throw that final winning ball. She could already taste the victory. And the tea. Genya’s tea. So good. Nothing like hers, of course.

A crunching sound came from behind her, her daydreams of hot tea vanishing in the air, and the next second she’s tackled to the floor, a freezing cold slowly spreading through her body as the cold snow leaked through the cracks in her outfit. Nikolai pinned her, his legs locking hers and a hand holding her down. The other held a huge snowball. Her eyes bulged open at the sight. She was dead. A scolding expression distorted her features, “Nikolai Lantsov! How dare you cheat?”

He cocked his head, brows drawn in confusion, “Cheat? Whatever do you mean?”

“Cheat! You’ve got me pinned down! I can’t defend myself!” she squealed, writhing under him as she tried to get out of his hold. Nikolai just smiled a wicked smile before he dunked the ball prompting her to close her eyes, as she waited and waited for that cold blow to strike her face.

But it never came.

She cracked an eye open and her lungs were knocked free of air when she saw just how close his face was. “Do you really think I’m a cheater?” he whispered and for a brief moment Alina thought she’d seen his eyes flicker to her lips. Those beautiful hazel eyes of his. She’d never admit it out loud, but she loved the way the sunlight hit them, the way the green sparkled like real emeralds and the brown turned a warm amber shade.

Shaking away those dangerous thoughts, Alina wet her lips before speaking, “You did get us in this position… So…. Yes, you’re a cheater.”

He didn’t reply. Instead, something new shined in his eyes. He got closer and for a moment there was just the two of them, there in the middle of the trees. So close, she could smell the sea in his hair, the wood in his clothes, she could almost see him steering his ship as the wind did his bidding. Her heart thumped against her ribcage with such force it was a wonder he couldn’t hear it. It was a wonder it hadn’t broken through. Her eyes flickered to his lips and she wondered if Nikolai was going to kiss her. He wouldn’t. Would he?

Would she be mad if he did? Or would she…

“Alina!! Tea’s ready!!!” Genya called from the house and soon the spell, or whatever it was, was broken and the two awkwardly climbed up to their feet.

 

* * *

 

It was a quiet night. Not a soul out of bed.

Well, not quite.

Alina scribbled away in her notebook, the pale candlelight offering little warmth as she wrote down what they needed to buy for their stocks and what they’d need for the kids’ next fieldtrip. She couldn’t sleep, her bed empty as Mal stayed in the village until the high hours in the night. Some nights he returned sober and loving, others… he reeked of alcohol and sweat and in the morning she’d find a bruise here and there.

Footsteps came from the hall.

“Alina? Still up?” Mal asked from the doorway. She took one look at him and knew that tonight he was just late. No drinking. No fighting.

“Huh, yes. Taking care of some notes now that everyone’s asleep.” She explained with a weak smile. He smiled back and nodded.

“Okay… Do you want to come to bed?”

His blue eyes shined, the invitation clear enough.

“I’ll… I have to finish these. You go ahead.” She replied. That shine quickly vanished as he bid her goodnight and left.

She turned back to her writing, no longer with any will to write anything at all.

It’s not that she didn’t care for him anymore… But… something, somewhere, sometime… something just wasn’t the same as it used to be. She loved him, but there was still that fear. That fear that ate her insides during the long hours in the night when he was still in the village. That fear of Mal going back to that volatile self she saw back in Os Alta, such a long time ago. He’d scared her then. With how easy he could turn into an alcoholic thrill-seeker that could easily break up with her in one hour and the next kiss some random pretty girl as if Alina didn’t matter at all.

She couldn’t quite place it, but one day things became… colder. Once they kissed and made love every waking moment. Now… it was rarer and rarer.

 

* * *

 

“What’s this?” Mal asked, an edge she couldn’t quite place to his voice.

Alina turned from her sketchbook and saw him standing in front of her supplies closet, his blue eyes locked on a briefcase. Its black leather shone in the light and its strong scent came all the way to her spot, filling her nostrils with that unmistakable smell of new leather.

“It’s a briefcase. Why?” she drew her eyebrows in confusion, why was he even snooping in her supplies?

“I can see that. Where did it come from? It’s new.” He insisted, finally looking up at her. There was a cold fire in his blue eyes, a cold she hadn’t seen since…

“It was a present. Nikolai brought it last week. For my birthday.” She explained, trying to ignore the pang that his jealousy brought. Why was he acting like this? Hadn’t he been here for the party? Hadn’t he seen her friends giving her their presents? Nikolai’s had been the last, yes, but Mal was still around. Wasn’t he?

“Hmm… What’s in it?”

“What do you mean what’s in it? It’s painting supplies. Oil paint and brushes and pencils.” She said as she got up and placed her hand on her hips.

“I don’t like this.” He said after a too long silence. A hand gestured to her supplies, half of them brought in by Nikolai and their friends.

“You don’t like… paint?”

“I don’t like Nikolai always giving you presents!” he snapped, making her jump with the sudden outburst. Her eyes welled up with unshed tears. Tears of anger. Anger. How dare he act jealous over paint?

“Nikolai’s my friend! OUR friend! Why is it so wrong for him to bring me supplies?!?” she snapped back, her voice breaking every two words.

Mal reeled in, not having expected her outburst. “I just… Makes me uncomfortable.”

“Uncomfortable?” she bit out.

“Yes. As if he’s still trying to court you.”

“He’s not courting me. And you’re being an idiot. Now please, go calm down before supper.” She told him before turning back to her work. Mal stood there for two whole minutes, his eyes never leaving the back of her head. Then there was a loud sigh and he left the room.

 

* * *

 

She closed her eyes, savouring the cool breeze on her cheeks. The night had settled. Mal was downstairs telling tales of their adventures to the kids. It was story night. Usually, Alina sat by his side, telling her own tales, but not tonight.

Tonight all she could think of was a too-clever fox. Not the one from the tale. The one whose hazel eyes kept coming back to her every time she closed her own. Hah… There they were again. Green and brown. No, green and golden. More often than not, Alina would simply snap out of it, ignoring the fluttery feeling that burst within her when she thought of him. But tonight she let herself get lost in that memory. The way he looked at her… There was something there she couldn’t quite uncover. A mysterious fire that seemed to come to life whenever he looked at her. She wanted to—

Laughter exploded within the house, breaking her free of those thoughts. Those dangerous thoughts. She shook her head, “Get a grip Alina. Stop it.”

 

* * *

 

It was a warm afternoon and the girls were all sitting by the table, each holding their own cup of hot cocoa.

“I need… help.” Alina asked, her voice just above a whisper.

Genya was the first to answer, her golden eyes darting between Alina and Zoya, “Sure. What is it?”

Suddenly she wasn’t so sure about this. Maybe she should just tell them to forget it and ask for news from hom—Os Alta. Maybe it was best to bury and ignore these fuzzy feelings that refused to go away. Maybe—

“Alina… What is it?” Genya insisted, snapping her out of her internal monologue. Alina looked between her friends and her mug, hot cocoa still untouched.

“I… Huh… Well… What… What does it mean when…” she cleared her throat, “When you… can’t stop thinking about someone?” she finished in a barely audible whisper, cringing at her broken speech.

Genya clinked her nails on the table, “Well, that depends on what those thoughts make you feel. Do you… feel like murdering that someone or kissing them? Not that it’s a very good way to differentiate things, since Zoya felt like murdering Harshaw for a while but all she does is kiss him.” She finished with a bright and smug smile. Zoya threw her a dirty look, her cheeks turning a darker shade of red.

“I don’t know… I feel good, but not sure about the… kissing part.” Liar, she scolded herself. She had thought about kisses and… other things.

Zoya leaned forward, “Who is it anyway? Certainly not Mal, considering just how shy you are about the whole thing.” She inquired, her blue eyes narrowing at Alina. The ex-summoner gulped, suddenly very much aware that there was no way they’d leave the orphanage without an answer. Maybe this had been a terrible idea.

“Please. I don’t…” she looked between her friends in panic, “I don’t want to… Why can’t it be Mal? Maybe… Maybe…”

“You’re falling for him all over again?” Genya offered with a brow arched up in disbelief.

“Come on Alina. You started this, now finish it. It’s been pretty clear you two haven’t been cosy in ages. It’s not surprising if you started having feelings for someone else.” Zoya reasoned.

Alina sighed and took a gulp of her now not so warm cocoa. She closed her eyes, “It’s… Nikolai…”

Silence took over the small room and for a moment Alina wondered if she had just imagined having Zoya and Genya visiting her. But then, “I KNEW IT!”

Her eyes snapped open and, much to her surprise, she found both her friends looking at her with big bright smiles. Was there pride in Zoya’s?

Genya had her hands splayed on the table, her eyes shining with victory, “I knew it!! I knew it!! Didn’t I tell you Zoya? Didn’t I?” she turned to Zoya, her voice going squeaky with excitement. Zoya nodded in agreement before drinking the rest of her cocoa.

“You… knew?” Alina was confused. How could they know? And what was it exactly that they knew? “Knew what?”

“Oh, come on Alina. That you have the fuzzy feelings for a certain hazel eyed king. Obviously.” Genya explained, almost bored. As if Alina had asked if the sky was really blue.

“I don’t… I…”

“Oh stop it. We all can see it. The way you smile around him. Your eyes have a new life to them. And the way you two are always teasing each other, it’s borderline flirtation in my opinion.” Zoya interrupted her, listing all the ‘obvious signs’.

A warmth spread through her cheeks. She didn’t… They didn’t… “We don’t flirt, Zoya! I’m married!!” she squealed. And flinched. Her squeal didn’t exactly help her case. “I asked for help, not to be… crucified!!”

Her friends laughed before Genya spoke again, “No one’s judging you Alina. It was a matter of time to be honest. You two always connected in a way that you and Mal simply… didn’t. Watching you two talk or plan together was always something I quite enjoyed. I’m actually surprised it took you so long to stop fighting it.” Zoya nodded in agreement.

“Admit it. You have feelings for Nikolai. Feelings that go beyond simple friendship.” Zoya insisted.

Alina bit her lip, deep in thought. She… Well, she couldn’t stop thinking about him. And she liked not being able to stop doing that. And there was that sensation of a weight being lifted off of her shoulders whenever he was around. And that snowball fight where he almost kissed her. And she had… wanted him to. Oh saints. She had wanted that kiss. Badly. She still did.

“Look at her. You can see realisation dawn on her. It’s amazing.” Zoya murmured to Genya, her tone slightly teasing. Genya hummed in agreement.

“Saints… I like Nikolai…”

 

* * *

 

Every year, in the nearby village, a small festival was held. There was music and food and dancing and contests. Visitors and vendors travelled from far away to be there for the special event. It was a night of fun and laughter.

This year Alina had insisted on her friends coming, Genya and David, Zoya and Harshaw, Tamar and Nadia and Tolya. Nikolai was busy with king affairs so he refused the invitation with the most polite and extravagant apologies letter. Alina hadn’t been able to take any of his words seriously, except for his sorry. He truly sounded sorry.

“Stop fidgeting Alina.” Zoya scolded her as they made their way to the village. The festival would soon begin and she wanted them to be there for its opening.

“I’m not fidgeting. I’m just… How exactly do I tell Mal that maybe he was right in being jealous?” she confessed, her voice low as to the rest of the group not to listen.

Genya laced their arms together, “It’ll be fine. All you have to tell him is that you’re confused. You’re not sure about you two anymore. That maybe you need a break to figure it out.”

Alina threw her a doubtful look but didn’t elaborate. Maybe she didn’t even need to talk about it. Maybe she’d spend the night dancing with Mal. And sharing delicious snacks with him. Maybe he’d drag her to a secluded corner to kiss her like he used to and she’d forget about these conflicting thoughts all together. Yes, that sounded like a good thing.

 

The festival was in full bloom. People laughed and sang and danced and ate. Joy and mirth was everywhere. The main square was dyed in all the colours the villagers could think of, reds and yellows and greens and blues and purples. There were candles and lamps everywhere, not a corner left in the dark, not a corner left untouched by colour. The scent of freshly grilled meat filled the air, mingling with the scent of sweets and baked goods. On any other day, such a mix would be near revolting, but tonight, it was mesmerizing.

Somewhere among the dancing crows were Genya and David, the Materialki dancing like a wooden doll. But they laughed and smiled. They were having fun. Not far from them was Tamar, dragging Nadia through the crows as they danced and jumped to the rhythm of the music. Zoya and Harshaw were nowhere to be seen, most likely hiding in some dark corner, getting intimate…

“It’s a lovely party, Alina. I’m glad you invited us.” Tolya said before taking a huge bite on a meat sandwich. Fat dripped from his hands and his eyes turned into marbles as he watched it fall away from his mouth. Tolya cursed under his breath before he lifted the sandwich and liked the extra fat.

Alina laughed. She was about to ask if the sandwich was really that good when her eyes found the person she’d been looking for hours. Mal. She hadn’t seen him since arriving and was getting nervous.

He stood on the opposite end of the square and was speaking to someone. She couldn’t see who, the dancers and passers-by blocking her view.

“I’ll be right back, Tolya.” He nodded in acknowledgement and she walked to her husband. But before she was in hearing distance, before she could call for him, he moved away and she saw he wasn’t alone. No, he had company. A very beautiful, tall and voluptuous company. Her breath halted. Her blood turned to ice. He wasn’t just talking with that woman. He was… whispering in her ear. A hand touched her with far too much intimacy for two people who were just talking. She watched his fingers drift to her hip, their tips digging in with a possessive and hungry grip. The woman yelped and chuckled before grabbing him and placing an open mouth kiss on his lips.

Time seemed to stop as she watched that dreadful kiss unfold.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

This wasn’t…

Mal broke the kiss, his blue eyes darting around. She took a shaky breath, half dreading half hoping to be seen. But his gaze didn’t even find her. He turned back to his… _friend_ and kissed her again before grabbing her hand and dragging her away from the party.

“Alina?” Genya called, her voice sounding too far away. Alina didn’t even listen to her, her feet moving on their own as they followed the _happy couple_ to wherever they were going. She didn’t have a heart anymore, just a company of drums drumming and drumming inside her chest, their rhythm and strength growing. She could barely breathe.

She lost them somewhere between the crowd, but one look at them and the way they touched each other told her they hadn’t left for socializing. A dark alley curved to her left and she walked in. Her feet grew heavy, like limbs of lead, when she heard those sounds.

Those… sounds…

Moans and gasps. Skin slapping on skin.

She turned the corner, hoping against hope it wasn’t him. _Please, please_.

But she could recognize that blonde head everywhere, even if he was currently… cheating on her. Out in the open.

“Mal?” she let out in a shaky breath.

The sounds stopped instantly as her husband froze at the sound of her voice.

“Mal?” she dared again, her voice louder now, “What are you doing?”

With hasty moves, Mal quickly disentangled himself from his companion and pulled his pants up, his back always turned to her. The woman just readjusted her skirts, her eyes locked on the floor. She had the decency to look ashamed of being caught.

Finally, Mal turned around to face her. His hair was a mess, sweaty and matted to his forehead. His cheeks were a dark shade of red and she wasn’t sure if it was due to what he had been doing minutes before or due to being caught.

“Alina… This isn’t…”

“What is looks like?” She bit out, venom coating her words.

He flinched, “Well… I…”

“Stop it. Don’t even try to pretend you weren’t just having sex with some woman in the middle of the street!” she screamed at him. Anger took over, blood pumping hard in her ears. Footsteps sounded from the opening of the alley and shocked gasps followed suit.

Mal took a step towards her and she took one back. “Don’t touch me.”

“Alina… Listen to me!” there was true panic in his eyes. Good. Let him panic.

“No! You were cheating on me! When I came to the festival looking for YOU! To dance with YOU!” she could feel what was left of her heart, what was left of her feelings for him, shattering with every word, every second that passed.

Something snapped in his eyes and that old Mal she was so afraid of came back, “Me? You spent the last three months ignoring ME and suddenly on a party you decided you like me again?! You’re always laughing and sharing secrets with that king of yours, getting gifts all the time. Spending time alone with him and I’M the one who’s in the wrong?”

“We are friends! And I didn’t ignore you!”

“Well, it was as if you did. We barely make love these days. A guy has needs, Alina. And I needed a release.” He bit out.

A heartbeat passed in silence. A silence so thick it could be cut with a knife.

Then, “You’re not even sorry… Are you? Here I was, feeling guilty because we had drifted apart and wanted to fix it and you were just worried we weren’t having sex every day?” he tried to speak but she carried on, her voice acquiring a steely tone, “How long?”

“What?”

“How. Long.”

Mal seemed to finally have some sense of embarrassment, shifting his feet as his eyes looked to a specific spot of dirt in the ground. Finally, he let out in a mumble, “Two months…”

“Bastard!” a voice hissed from behind her, Zoya’s. Alina’s heart swelled at the support.

“Two months. For two months you’ve been shagging that woman behind my back and drinking and fighting, don’t deny it!” she said, when he started to deny those facts, “And I’m the one in the wrong here?” Mal took another step to her and she didn’t move. He seemed pleased, a ghost of a smile growing in his features, until he saw her lift her hands, two fingers moving to the wedding ring.

“Alina… Please…”

She flung the ring at his face, taking a sweet satisfaction when it hit his face, “We’re through, Mal. Don’t even bother to come back.”

“But…”

“I’ll send your things through someone. Don’t ever go back to Keramzin.”

With those final words, she turned on her heels and walked away, joining her friends who stood there in shock and barely contained anger. Genya put an arm around her shoulders and the group walked away.

 

Three days had passed and her friends were still around. They simply refused to leave her alone, no one trusting Mal to stay away for long.

“You can leave now. I’m fine. It’s… more the breaking of trust that actual heartbreak anyway…” she said.

“But what if he comes back? We can’t leave you alone with him.” Zoya argued. Several nods and words of agreement came from the rest of their friends.

“I’ll be fine. And I won’t be really alone. There’s the kids and the teachers. And Nikolai will be coming in a few days for his monthly visit anyway.” She reassured them for the nth time that day. They didn’t want to leave, but she couldn’t let them stay, not when they all had jobs back in Os Alta.

After a couple more hours of lingering around, the group finally left. Alina stood by the entrance as she watched their ship fly away and grow smaller and smaller and smaller. Until it was just a black dot in the sky. Until she couldn’t see it anymore.

She turned back to the house, ready to pack away everything that Mal had touched.

 

* * *

 

A week later Nikolai arrived. He brought new toys, again, and the kids spent the entire day out in the open, testing and breaking them.

After lunch, they sat by the window, watching the kids play with what seemed to be automated wooden fox toys. They’d wind them up and them the toy would walk or run around. They squeal and giggle whenever a fox malfunctioned and started to jump in the most awkward ways.

“So… Tamar told me…” he said, his voice soft and worried.

Alina nodded, “Yes. It’s true.”

He shifted in his chair, turning to her and made to place a hand on hers, but let it fall on his knee, “Are you… are you all right?”

She looked at him and saw his eyes, those beautiful eyes she loved so much, shaking with worry and anger. He was worried she was heartbroken… “I’m fine. It’s not… He didn’t break my heart. Not really. We had grown distant a while ago. It was… trust. I trusted him, I thought… I thought he wouldn’t do such a horrible thing. But he did. And for so long.”

Nikolai finally decided to grab her hand and caressed her knuckles with his thumb, the touch so tender it took her by surprise, “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry too…”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“We could let this drop. I really don’t want to think about him anymore.”

“You’re sure?”

She held his gaze and nodded with certainty, “Yes.” He nodded back.

“Very well.”

 

The sun was about to set by the time Nikolai was ready to leave. They walked together to his ship in comfortable silence. The rest of the afternoon was spent like all their afternoons had been spent before. Laughing and joking, teasing each other. Nikolai would go outside to check on the toys and return with a notebook filled with new notes and ideas. His big, toothy smile turned her stomach upside down, the movement sending fluttery ripples through her whole body. For the first time in forever, she didn’t try to smother that feeling. And it felt good.

“So…” Nikolai stopped a few paces away. His men were already getting the ship ready for the journey back.

“So…”

A corner of his mouth curled up in a half-smile, “Always speechless in my presence, aren’t we, Alina?”

She rolled her eyes, “Likewise, Lantsov.”

He clicked his tongue, “I can’t be all speeches and purple prose all the time. You’d poison me in no time!”

“And get the king of Ravka killed? I’d die the next minute!”

“Because you simply couldn’t live without me, right?” he inquired, bending so they were at eye level.

“Because all of Ravka would want me dead after killing the first decent king they’d had in ages!” she replied and gave him a soft push. Nikolai waved his arms in the air, as if he was about to fall. Alina caught his hands before he could fall.

His momentum brought him closer than she expected, the two just a breath apart. Their eyes moved to each other’s lips at the same time and for a moment she thought about taking the plunge. Before anything could happen, Nikolai quickly took a step back. He rubbed his neck awkwardly as his cheeks turned a darker shade of pink.

“I better leave soon.” He said, his eyes finally meeting hers.

“Yeah.”

“Ok so… goodbye!”

“Bye!” she waved as he walked back to the ship, that blush never really leaving his cheeks. Awkward Nikolai looked far too adorable. She had to use all her inner strength not to call him back or feel debunked over the almost kiss.

 

* * *

 

Life without Mal around was much easier. That doubt of whether he’d come home on time or not was gone. That doubt of whether he’d come home in one piece or sober was gone. Now, she didn’t have to worry about that anymore. It was as if a weight of enormous proportions had been lifted off of her shoulders.

It saddened her that along with losing Mal as her husband, she also lost her childhood friend. But trust was a fragile and important thing. One broken, forever lost.

Between Nikolai’s last visit and his next, Alina spent her time painting and taking care of the logistics of the orphanage. Just like she always had. Except now she spent every moment thinking of Nikolai and his eyes and his humour and… those lips that were far too perfect and lush for her own good. She’d need to be careful next time, lest she jump his bones and kiss him thoroughly before they even traded helloes.

Her friends paid her another visit, though this time it was just Genya and Zoya.

“You look happy. And healthier.” Zoya pointed.

“Yeah. Like you got rid of a dark cloud that refused to fade away.” Genya agreed as she opened a box full of delicious pastries. “Brought straight from Os Alta!” she announced. “Sweet and flaky and salty and moist and fluffy. All kinds! Just for you!” Zoya cleared her throat, “Well. For US. But the rest is all for you.”

The girls quickly dug in, eating the sweet food with freshly made tea. They traded news and stories and gossiped all the way through the afternoon. Alina nearly choked on her tea when Genya announced she was pregnant. “No way!”

“Yes! We found out shortly after we returned home. I spent the whole trip feeling queasy and sick. Actually thought it was because I hadn’t been able to dig my nails in Mal’s face, but turns out it wasn’t.” she recalled, excitement all over her face.

“I’m so happy for you two.” Alina said.

Zoya nodded, “Yeah, another little Genya to take care of.”

“Hey!”

The three broke into laughter as they threw little loving jabs at each other. Their happy voices filled the kitchen like a warm blanket on a cold winter’s night and in that moment, Alina couldn’t be happier.

 

* * *

 

Whenever there was a fieldtrip, the kids barely slept, excitement preventing them from even closing their eyes the night before the big trip. This time, it was Alina who barely slept. She’d been counting the days until Nikolai’s next visit and this one was when the kids were going on a week-long trip to the shore. It was the perfect opportunity to deal with her feelings for her friend. No kids, no teachers. No one around to interrupt them. If, and it was a big if, she got him to stay behind. Nikolai loved going on the long fieldtrips. She was a wreck of nerves trying to come up with what to say. She would need words that sounded natural and were convincing enough.

 

Alina was never a nail biter, but right now, standing outside the front door and watching Nikolai’s ship as it settled down, she found it really hard to keep her nails away from her teeth. This had to work.

She squared her shoulders, put on her most natural smile and walked to the ship, where all the kids and teachers were already gathering. It looked as if the ship had settled in a sea of little people. There were a few older kids, their tall structures making them look like they just popped out of the ground amongst their smaller piers. Scarves and wool caps and beanies dotted the crowd with splashes of colours. Red and blue and yellow. Caps made of remnants of wool, their colours going from pinks to blacks to beiges and greens.

Excitement was the word of the day among the crowd as the teachers tried to get the kids to quiet down for a second. They babbled and laughed and squealed. Here and there the older kids spoke of their first trip to the shore, how amazing it was, how the sea smelled and how they’d even sighted the great sea serpent. Alina felt a pang when she heard that, nightmares of that kill still haunting her to this day.

“Good morning everyone!” Nikolai greeted as he walked through the plank.

“Good morning!!!” the crowd greeted back in a loud roar of high pitched voices.

“Ready for the big trip?”

“YES!!!!”

“Then hop in!”

The crowd rushed in as if they were a river and the ship the sea. It was quite a sight. Alina chuckled as she saw the teachers trying to herd them, as the kids tried to be the first ones in or the ones not stepped on.

“You’ve got to love their love for adventure.” Nikolai said as he settled by her side.

Alina gave him a surreptitious glance. He wore a casual dark blue jacket paired with white pants that hugged his body in a manner that simply shouldn’t be allowed around younglings. She blushed when she noticed he was watching her.

He flashed a devilish smile, “Like what you see?”

“You wish.”

A dramatic sigh, “Sadly, yes.”

She bit her lip. Was he just joking or did he really wish she was ogling him? Oh, to hell with it. It was time to take the plunge and just go for it.

“Nikolai?”

“Yes?”

“Would you… Like a glass of water?” saints help her, did she just ask if he wanted WATER? Alina groaned inwardly at her inaptitude to just ask him to stay. It was an innocent request. She was going to be all alone for a week, it was only natural to ask her friend if he wanted to keep her company. But that wasn’t all she wanted from him and so her stupid brain quit the plan before she could even utter those words.

Nikolai looked confused for a second but soon his perfect smile returned, “Sure.”

“And… to stay here for the week?” she asked after they’d taken a few steps away from the ship, her voice just a whisper. Nikolai’s step faltered for a second but soon he was back on track.

“Oh?”

“Well, you know. I’ll be here all alone. I would be nice to have some company! I’m not sure I’ll enjoy being all alone in that big house.” Alina fought the need to cringe. How on earth did that sound innocent? She said ‘all alone’ twice. TWICE! It would be a wonder if Nikolai didn’t start teasing her right away.

He stopped walking and she turned to him, panic rising from the pit of her stomach. He looked deep in thought. He ruffled his hair and Alina salivated for the chance to have her hands doing that. _Get it together, Starkov!_

“Well, I suppose I could stay. I’ll be away from Os Alta for a week anyway.”

“Yeah.”

He looked up at her and his mouth curled into a devilish smile, “You’re not trying to seduce me, are you, Starkov?” oh no, he knew. But then he chuckled, “Don’t worry, I’m just teasing you. Wait here, I’ll go get my bag.” He turned back to the ship, a bounce to his step that made him look every inch like a kid. Alina put a hand on her heart, that damned organ beating so hard it was making it hard to breathe. She needed to calm down. Preferably before he returned to her side.

 

* * *

 

The ship flew over the house as soon as they stepped into the foyer. Nikolai put his bag down and stretched a bit, “So… about that glass of—” his words died out as she grabbed his lapels and pulled him in for a kiss. She kissed him long and hard, her lips having spent far too long wondering what it would be like to kiss him again. Just as she was ready to deepen the kiss, her tongue darting out to tease him, Nikolai broke the kiss. His cheeks were red and his lips swollen from her kiss. “Alina… I’m… Are you sure?” he asked, his voice so hoarse she felt weak in the knees.

She pressed her lips to his again, her tongue teasing him, before she planted a trail of kisses along his jaw all the way to his ear, “Why do you think I asked you to stay?” she confessed between kisses, her hands busy with the buttons on his jacket.

He let out a groan when she pulled his earlobe, “Right… I knew that glass of water was a… saints… lie…” he hissed when she pulled his earlobe again, “But are you… saints, Alina,” Nikolai was finding it hard to speak, her kisses and hands far too distracting, “Are you sure?”

She paused her exploration of his body and planted a soft kiss on his lips, “Positive” she breathed. He placed a hand on her cheek, thumb grazing on her soft skin. His eyes were ablaze with such an emotion that for a second Alina felt like he could read her completely with just that look.

“Alina…” her heart swelled with the tenderness in his voice.

“You’re the only one I can think of, Nikolai. You have been for a very long time now.” The confession came out before she could help herself. As if her heart needed to let him know how she felt and kissing just wouldn’t be enough. A shy, unsure smile, tugged at his lips, the king not quite believing her words.

“Really?” he finally asked, his smile growing more confident with every heartbeat.

“Really…”

“Well… in that case… who am I to stop you?”

He cupped her face and kissed her, his lips gliding over hers with years on pent up passion. Alina dug her hands under his shirt, her fingers feeling the toned stomach, the hard muscle on his back, the scars on his chest. Saints, she wanted to kiss him everywhere. She wanted _him_ to kiss _her_ everywhere.

“Nikolai…” she gasped as he kissed her neck, “Upstairs. My room.”

He broke the kiss just long enough to let out a raspy ‘okay’ and soon Alina was dragging him up the stairs.

 

Falling into bed with Nikolai had been, at most, a feverish dream. She never expected it to truly happen. Until now.

Nikolai’s hands were calloused but held her with the gentleness of a jeweller. Their clothes were discarded in a storm of fabric as the two tore layer after layer off of each other. He kissed her neck, her shoulders, her collarbone. His fingers slid up and down her bare back, sending shivers through her nervous system.

In spite of their rushed kisses, he laid her down with a gentle calm that nearly drove her blind. “Alina… You’re so… Saints…” he said, his breath warm against her skin, lips just an inch over her heart.

She chuckled, “That was a long time ago… I’m just a regular person now…” he laughed before planting a line of kisses, from her heart to her breasts down to her hipbones. There wasn’t a space of her pale skin that hadn’t been touched by those dangerous lips of his. And then they were back on hers and they were burning and hungry for her.

His tongue teased her, sliding across her bottom lip, begging her for entrance. She let out a moan and captured his lip with her teeth, pulling and teasing before she let him in. Tongue teased tongue as his hands explored her body, one in her hair, white long locks splayed under her, the other snaking down and down and down.

Alina gasped when she felt him tease her clit with his thumb, a soft touch, once more asking for permission. She rolled her hips upwards, a silent plea for him to make a move. And he did. She locked her hands on his strong shoulders as he dipped a finger inside her, earning sweet moans from her lips. They kissed and kissed as he kept on teasing her folds, his finger doing things to her that she hadn’t ever imagined before. She gasped and moaned with every tease, his touch, his kisses, his voice, all setting her blood on fire.

His name left her lips in a gasp when she fell over the edge.

He brought his hand back up and Alina let out a soft whimper at the sudden cold she felt with his absence. She hooked a leg around his waist and rolled her hips against his, asking him for more. More, more, more.

“Alina… My… sweet Alina…” he murmured as he kissed a sweet spot on her neck, his lips etching sweet wordless prayers on her milky white skin.

She hummed in delight when she felt him slide inside, “Hmm…” how delicious it was to feel him inside her, how fitting.  Nikolai moved out, slow and deliberate, before thrusting back inside, the movement drawing a loud and raw moan from her. She felt him smile against her neck as he kissed that spot thoroughly. He moved again and again she moaned, loud and clear. She hooked her other leg around his waist, bringing him closer. “Nikolai…”

He lifted his head, hazel eyes fogged up with lust and passion and something else she couldn’t quite discern just yet. Alina felt her insides melt at once with that look he gave her. Saints, how easily he could do this to her. She brought him down, capturing his lips within hers, kissing him and rolling her hips, yet another silent plea she made with her body.

Nikolai kissed her back as he moved in and out, each thrust edging her closer and closer to the edge. There was nothing else outside their little bubble. Just her and him, together, closer than she had ever expected to. Skin on skin, lips on lips, hands locked together in an embrace more sensual and romantic than anything she had ever experienced before. Their release came and it was sweet and liberating, her body falling apart into a million pieces as pure and raw pleasure shook her to the core.

His kisses, his soft and tender kisses, brought her back together later that night, as they curled up together and whispered little secrets to each other.

“Alina…” he called for her, sleep threatening to take her away.

“Yes?”

He stroked her hair, his fingers sliding through her soft hair, as if he was touching starlight itself, “I love you, Alina…”

She looked back at him, her amber eyes meeting his, and there she found the truth in his words, how much he cared for her, how much he… loved her. A pure smile tugged at her lips before she placed a feather light kiss on his, “I… love you too, Nikolai.”

 

* * *

 

Their little week of lovemaking was almost over. Just one more night and the kids would be back, filling every room in the house.

Coffee filled the air as Alina brewed another batch. The wind howled outside, leaves hitting the windows like a drummer setting a beat. She hummed a wordless song as she waited for the coffee. Closing her eyes, she let herself once more drift through flashes of scarred fingertips dancing on her skin as they drew beautiful paintings, lips on her body setting her blood on fire, whispers in her ear of dreams and wishes and prayers and love. Her heart swelled with happiness as she recalled how honest and true Nikolai had been on that first night. The way he touched her, the way he looked at her, the way he’d said those words. The way his eyes had shinned with a new light when she answered in kind.

Oh, how silly she had been. Thinking that those feelings she held for Nikolai were just of friendship. She’d been falling for him a little bit every day since they’d first met. She just hadn’t known.

Arms circled her waist, pulling her into a warm embrace.

“Alina…” Nikolai tucked his chin on the curve of her neck, his steady breathing tickling her skin.

“Yes?”

“You have paint on your hair.” He whispered.

A hand shot up as she tried to find the paint, “What? Where?”

“It’s just a tiny bit of yellow. Not to worry.” He said with a chuckle.

“Idiot.”

Paint. Saints, just an hour ago Alina had gone down to her painting room to work on an idea that had sprouted in her mind, determined not to lose it before she could even sketch it up. Not even five minutes had passed when Nikolai walked in and began placing feather light kisses all over her back as he slowly removed her robe. “Nikolai… I’m busy…” she’d breathed, hissing when his cold fingers touched her skin.

“But you’re so… perfect in this light…” she rolled her eyes at that corny line. Corny, yes, but it had worked nevertheless. Soon she was perched on her desk, Nikolai’s tongue doing very, very sinful things to her body. As he sent her over the edge, paint splattered around them, covering the two with more than they had bargained for. They’d moved to the bathroom to wash away the paint but before Nikolai could plan anything else, she’d dashed away, her body crying for a fresh mug of coffee.

“Come to bed Alina…” he said, placing a perfectly timed kiss on her neck. Her hands nearly dropped the mug of coffee.

“I need coffeeeeee. You go ahead.”

“But it’s so cold up there, without you…” he whined as his fingers dug into the fabric of her robe.

“You can survive a few minutes…”

“I’m afraid I cannot…” he kissed her neck again and an unwarranted moan climbed up her throat.

“Oh… all right. But I’m taking the coffee with me.” She conceded, hands already holding up the coffee pot.

 

* * *

 

“If I had known just how needy you could be in bed…” she said as she drummed her fingers up and down his chest, her skin memorizing every jagged line that marked his body.

“You would have called for me much sooner?” he teased, eyes closed as he savoured her touch, as if it had a healing magic of its own. She wished she could kiss those scars and their memories all away.

She rolled her eyes at his silly remark but didn’t give him the satisfaction of an answer. Her hands moved down, looking for a different kind of satisfaction, her body aching for his. She slid onto him, letting out a long satisfied sigh at the feeling of him inside her. She dragged her hands up his chest, slow and deliberate, palms taking in all the details of his toned body, the muscle hard and deliciously tempting. Her fingers curled around his shoulders and she rocked against him, drawing a soft groan from his throat. She rocked again and he called for her, her name just a whisper on his lips. She rocked her hips again, “Nikolai…” Another rock, and another, and another, her pace picking up with each new movement. His body moved with hers, his hands holding her hips as if he was holding on to dear life. She closed her eyes, savouring the moment, this dance of theirs, the two so in sync, so perfectly in sync… She cried out his name, not letting anything hold her back, as her climax came, her body once more falling apart in that beautiful way it did with him.

She moved again, her body crying out, almost too sensible, waiting and waiting for Nikolai to answer her call. When he did, oh, when he did… She cocked her head backwards, a lustful, happy smile etched on her face.

“What the hell is this?” a voice called from the doorway. A voice… a voice she’d known her whole life. Her blood froze in shock before she whipped her head to its source.

There, standing in the doorframe, stood Mal, a look of horrified shock on his face. His hair and clothes were a mess, week-old beard on his once-beautiful face. His eyes, open wide as he took in the sight, looked glazed, as if he’d been drowning in all the kvas in the land.

“You ditched me… for this?” he was disgusted. He actually had the nerve to sound disgusted. Hadn’t he been the one cheating on her every night for two months? Humping that woman whenever he could, wherever he could?

“Go away, Mal.” She hissed, her fingers curling into fists. Nikolai’s hand found hers, giving it a squeeze.

“Alina…”

“Go. Away.”

“Alina… I’m willing to let this go… if you…”

“If I what? Forget what you did? I don’t think so. Leave, now.” She said, her tone final. Mal didn’t move. Decided enough was enough, Alina rocked once against Nikolai, making him groan louder than before. A crash came from the door, followed by a wave of colourful curses. When she looked back, Mal was gone, the remains of a glass bottle the only sign he’d been there.

“Well… that was… awkward.” Nikolai let out once the front door was closed. Alina shot him a dirty look.

“Awkward?”

A sheepish smile, that had nothing of innocent in there, tugged at his lips, “Well, he did catch us mid… fun times.”

“Fun times?”

“Are you going to repeat everything I say, Alina?”

She bent down, hands crawling up his chest until they nested in his soft hair, “If you keep saying foolish stuff, I might have to.” She whispered the threat before pecking his lips. Then, Nikolai rolled them over and planted a trail of kisses along her jaw, each kiss followed by a tickle on her side.

“Nikolai!” she giggled, “Stop that!”

“Hmm… no… your laughter is so adorable.” He mumbled, teeth grazing on her pulse, a soft moan escaping her throat.

“You’re terrible.”

His chuckle vibrated through her body, “Me? You’re the one that pulled that little stunt on Oretsev. I didn’t do anything.”

“He deserved that… Now, how about we stop talking about my ex and do other things?”

He stopped kissing her collarbones, the cold air hitting the kissed skin far too harshly for her taste, “Aren’t we already doing… other things?”

“Yes.” She answered and then pulled him down for another kiss. Alina was decided to make the most of this last night of freedom and privacy. And she wasn’t about to let Mal’s interruption ruin the mood.

 

* * *

 

The ship groaned deep, the wind nudging it to move. The kids were all jumping up and about, some inside the house, others out, tales of their week away coming out in screams and giggles. Alina couldn’t make a word out of their babble.

Nikolai chuckled, “Seems like they had fun.”

She nodded, “Yeah.”

A moment of silence passed before Alina spoke again, “When will you be back?”

He flashed a devilish smile, “Missing me already?”

“Oh shut up. After a week with just you, I don’t think I can wait a whole month to see you again.”

Nikolai pulled her in his embrace and pecked her nose, “I’ll try to come next week. I’ve got to anyway.”

“Oh?”

“Well, I’ve got to court you.”

A fluttery wave took over her stomach. _Court_.

“Don’t fret, my dear Alina. I won’t drop to my knee and propose that soon.” He gave her a squeeze, “But I will, one day. When you’re ready.”

“But I’m not… queen material.” She said, her voice meek. Marrying Nikolai would be… wonderful, but she’s no queen…

“Nonsense. There’s no such thing as queen material.”

“Really?” she shot him a doubtful glance.

“All crazy myths to keep the non-nobles away from romancing the nobles.”

“I see.”

Nikolai gave her a peck, “You’ll be perfect. I can feel it.” His eyes burned, a storm of green and brown. It took her breath away, to be looked on like that. As if she was the queen and he was the poor one.

“You’ll need a ring…” she whispered.

“Ah yes… Lost it somewhere… Maybe, who knows, I’ll find in my tea one day.” He wiggled his eyebrows and flashed that insufferable smile that always made her roll her eyes. Without failing, she did so.

“Maybe.”

A shout came from the ship, the hangar now empty of kids. Nikolai looked back and gave a sharp nod at whomever had called. He turned back to Alina, “Seems like I have to go now.”

“It does.”

His face twitched, as if he was about to say something, but then, in the last second, he didn’t. Instead, Nikolai tipped her chin up and kissed her. A chaste, magical kiss that made her toes curl.

“I’ll be back soon.” He said, resting his forehead on hers for a moment.

“You better.”

Nikolai pulled back, his mouth curled in a smile she hadn’t seen before. There was a new twinkle in his eyes too. As if he’d just win something he never expected to win.

“What?”

“Nothing. I just… always knew you had a soft spot for this privateer of yours. I just never thought I’d get to see the day you’d openly look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m finally the only one you’re thinking of.” He said, echoing a wish he’d said years ago by a lake far away from this place. Her lips parted in shock but before she could even think of anything to say, Nikolai kissed her cheek and stepped away, a hand still holding on to hers. “See you soon, love.”

Finally, she got out of her stupor, her stomach flipping like crazy over that new nickname, “See you soon.” She smiled.

And then he was gone.

 

* * *

 

He returned the next week, and the next and the next. Not two months had passed since that goodbye when the king almost choked in his morning coffee, an emerald ring dunked in the black drink. Alina was nowhere to be seen.

But he smiled at the ring nevertheless.

She was ready.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So? Watcha think? Comments?
> 
> I had been wanting to explore this possible scenario for Nikolina. There's nothing in canon that states that Alina grew old by Mal's side. So I thought I'd try the route of that dream she had for her and Mal not turning out as lovely as she thought. She lost an important part of her and Mal isn't exactly empathetic with that. That, paired with his cheating, drinking and fighting tendencies we saw in S+S prompted me to come up with this fic.
> 
> I love Alina and it pains me to know that she finished the trilogy without her power, something that made her so happy and whole, and living with someone that only accepted her as long as she was that meek mousy girl. So, of course, I'll never stop writing aus in which she chooses a better life and eventually gets her powers back :D
> 
> Anyway, thanks a bunch for reading this far xD And now I'll return to this secret Nikolina project I'm working on *Shhh* it's a long fic :D


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